Supporting the Grieving Family
How can you help?
Don’t allow the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing keep you from reaching out in love. There are no perfect words. A simple "I’m sorry" and a hug can go a long way.
Acknowledge the baby and refer to the child by name.
Do not think that talking about him/her will bring the birthing parent and partner more pain. The memory of her baby is always on her mind. She may need to tell her story over and over again. Do not be afraid to say the baby's name.
Some things you might consider saying:
- I think about you and your son/daughter/child often.
- Tell me about your beautiful child. ~What was he like?~ What do you miss the most about them?~ I miss her too. I wish she was here with us.
- What’s your favorite memory of them? ~ What helps you feel closest to him when you miss him the most?
Provide useful help or a service.
Those who are grieving are not always able to ask for help. Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," just do something for the mother and her family.
Some things you might consider asking:
- What would feel healing/helpful to you right now?
- Is there any way I can help carry your burden?
- What do you need most today?
- Have you thought about...?
You might try to:
- Bring a meal. Tell the family when you will drop off food and that you don’t expect a social visit.
- Offer to babysit the other children.
- Come and sit with the mom and make her a cup of tea, be present and listen.
- Run errands.
- Take the dog for a walk.
Realize that your friend has been forever changed by the loss of their baby.
Don’t expect them to be exactly the same. And please realize that grief has its own time table. Allow them the time they needs, and remain supportive. Everyone grieves differently. Don’t judge their choices or their "performance." They may not react the same way that you think you would.
Try saying...
- I’m so sorry. It’s just not fair.
- There’s no good reason this happened.
- You don’t deserve this pain. I wish I could take it away from you.
- It breaks my heart to see you suffering.
Send a remembrance gift.
We offer a beautiful, custom designed Signature Acorn Necklace as a remembrance gift.
There are many other ideas available on Burden Bearing Baskets and Etsy (search baby memorial, baby loss, bereaved mother/father/parent).
Remember important dates
Remember baby’s due date and baby’s memorial.
A wish from bereaved parents to help friends and family support them
Did you know?
When you see a purple butterfly on a neonatal cot or incubator, it represents a baby that was part of a multiple pregnancy, but sadly, did not survive.
Most importantly, know not what to say.
Avoid clichés such as:
- This was God’s will.
- Time heals all wounds.
- Let go… move on...
- It wasn’t even a baby yet.
- At least you have other children.
- At least you are young and can have more children.
- At least they are in heaven.
- God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.
- God has a plan.
- I know how you feel.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- Be thankful for the children you have.
- Statements that begin with "You should" or "You will".
How to survive the death of your baby - grief support for parents and those who love them
FREE WEBINAR REPLAY
"The healing power of even the most microscopic exchange with someone who knows in a flash precisely what you're talking about, because she experienced that thing too, cannot be overestimated."
– Cheryl Strayed